From the Heart

Hey bloggers,

Have I mentioned you will get sick of my gut wrenching tales from the heart? Ok, so they may not be gut wrenching but they may get annoying. But hey, you gotta let it out somehow, right?

Tonight is all about imagination. It's about letting go of the past and finding your prince charming- even if he is just a dream. Correct me if I'm wrong, but most girls dream of finding true love. Ladies, I'm guilty as charged. I always imagined that my prince would come and rescue me. He would appear in my time of need and sweep me away to happily ever after. That was my fairy tale. Little did I know my fairy tale did happen, but with a not so happily ever after.

This boy- no, sorry, man- popped out of nowhere when I was in my time of desperation. I had hit rock bottom. And he just appeared out of nowhere. Not once thinking about himself, he did everything for me to get me back on my feet. When I was in school, he would come get me and take me to my favorite coffee shop and sit there with me, patiently listening to my pitiful cries of how much I needed my boyfriend back. He gained my full trust. Yet I never did see him as more than a friend. Eight long months passed by and yet nothing changed. At least, not that I knew of. But what really happened was I fell in love with him. He left for a week leaving me alone and to myself. Which is when I realized what he truly meant to me. How dependent I was of him. I fell head over heals. I fell hard. When he came back, things were different, but not a bad different. I knew that him leaving was good for us because I missed him. And I now knew I wanted to be with him. Until one night after we saw a movie, he walked me to my house and gave me a hug. And as I walked away he gently grabbed me and pulled me back and kissed me. It was the most amazing kiss, the shaky knees and world disappearing around you kind of kiss. From then on we were together. For me, it was meant to be. I felt my puzzle had been put together. I was wrong.

You can now guess what happened next, assuming you read my other posts. Although I felt a lot of hatred towards him before, I know see that he had to do it. Leaving me was not something easy (apparently), but it was something that had to be done. A mistake that had to be made, according to him. Although what is coming next is definitely, 100% romantic fantasy, he waited for me for 8 months. Maybe it's my turn to wait. But I won't let life pass me by. As long as he knows I will always love him and support him, that's all that matters. And of course that he's happy. But that was a given. 

Well that's my story, but it's only the beginning and I can't wait to see what lies ahead. 

xoxo

Steph.

3 AM blog.

Well there's nothing like a good case of insomnia.

After having been trying to sleep for over 3 hours I've decided that I'd come online and see who was on at this ungodly hour. As expected, no one. So I thought I'd write a few words.

If there's one mistake that people make constantly, it's that we are too trusting. 

But seriously, tell me you've never told someone a secret and they've told someone else, or that you've done that to someone. That you've cheated on someone, or have been cheated on. It's in our nature, we have idealistic views in our head that people that we know would never do something to break our trust. News flash, some people thrive on that. Some people live for this lifestyle where you get close to someone to gain there trust to get in  to their lives then turn around and exploit you. 

Trust is something that we need, but how do we know who to trust? 

How do you trust you friends? They make mistakes sometimes sure, but what if they keep doing it? I'll tell you why now, because they aren't a friend.

How do you trust a boyfriend? How do you know that they only stay to get what they want and once they get it leave? This brings me to my next point.

For all you guys out there here's a warning. 

But before I get on with my little rant, let me ask you a question. Why get into a relationship if you know from the very start it will not work? Is it because you just want to have fun? Toy with a girls heart? To practice, to get experience? But then, what's the point? Why start something when you know it wont last. You don't. Unless you are both on the same page, it is ill advised to get into a relationship where one thinks it will work and the other thinks not. Talk to your girlfriend or prospective girlfriend to clarify things. Communication really is key. 

Speaking as a girl who's heart has been hurt several times, guys don't play around. This is a serious game you're getting yourself into. Don't do it if you're not ready. And girls, don't be so quick to trust. It'll save you a lot of misery.

To clarify: I'm not saying don't trust anyone, I'm saying don't jump the gun and trust someone over night. Build your relationship.

Well, now that that's off my chest. I hope no one gets offended, this is only how I see things. Then again I might see it differently when I'm not hurting. Biased opinion? I'm not so sure.

I hope I can finally get to sleep. I only have class tomorrow at 11:30 to 2:30. Lovely isn't it. But that's a story for next time.

Ta Ta for now,

xoxo

Steph.

Day 18.

And no. I don't mean day 18 on this site.

Today marks the 18th day of my being single. How am I taking it? I'd say not too bad.

I can't say the same thing about last night, though. Sometimes a girl has rough days, it just so happened to be one of them. It's not easy getting your heart ripped into pieces in front of you, and it take a lot of time to heal. But you can't let it get the better of you. Which it has been since that ungrateful day. Although, I must say not as badly as the last time. 

My first breakup was a mess. I cried non stop for a full month. A little sad considering we were only together for 3 months. However, when you give yourself fully to someone, things tend to get more complicated. But this time, I cried for a few days straight, then occasionally, then rarely, then nothing. Yesterday was the day I have cried the most since the wound was first made. It was also the day I decided to put an end to this. It was time to move on.

And by moving on, I meant sever all ties. How is a girl suppose to get over a guy if he's always there? Besides, how's he suppose to see what he lost if I'm always there. 

So today is a new beginning. I now no longer count the days, and I no longer fantasize of his epiphany and romantic attempts to win me back. Although they are entertaining, they aren't healthy.

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

And no more boys. For a long, long, long time. And a hint for all, don't trust anyone too quickly. You might just end up getting hurt.

Ta Ta for now.

xoxo

Steph.